Uncertain Fire Read online

  Bradley parked in front of the building but before he had even reached the door of the stairwell leading to Kamil's room, Kamil came out. He was dressed in black jeans and a long sleeved tee and he did look somewhat nervous, Bradley couldn't help but note. It eased his own nerves somehow, and he greeted Kamil with a smile. Though Bradley was reconciled to his own bisexuality he had never actually been on a proper date with a man and, though he expected to feel awkward, he found that it was much like going out to the pub with his pilots after work. Kamil had a way of putting Bradley at ease, his mere presence was like a soothing balm to Bradley and the two chatted easily as Bradley followed Kamil's directions to the restaurant he'd chosen for them. It was a comfortably casual restaurant that Bradley was unfamiliar with, softly lit but with a relaxed atmosphere and over the meal the two learned more about one another.

  Bradley learned that Kamil's absence from work had been due to his returning to his parents’ home in Durham for a rare visit from his Father's family from Poland.

  "They didn't speak much English," Kamil laughed, "and I never learned Polish so we mostly communicated through gestures and sign language."

  "Is Kamil a Polish name, then?" Bradley asked. He had been curious about the name since he'd first learned it.

  Kamil nodded. "My brother and sister have ordinary names, though. What about your family, Bradley? Where did you grow up?"

  Bradley couldn't help but grimace. "Nottingham, but I was packed off to boarding school when I was really young. I'm not close to my family, I'm afraid."

  Kamil was sympathetic. "I'm sorry, I wouldn't have brought it up if I'd known it was a sensitive subject. And I'm sorry I was going on about how close my family is."

  Bradley smiled. "No, it's fine. You didn't know, and anyway it doesn't matter anymore, it was all a long time ago."

  Kamil shook his head. "Not having a family is something that stays with you, Bradley. Maybe that's why .....," he trailed off, embarrassed.

  "Why, what? Bradley prodded him gently.

  "Why you sometimes seem so lonely," Kamil said quietly, with a small smile.

  Bradley thought about that for a moment. He thought he had been handling his solitary life pretty well, putting his energy into his business and socializing occasionally with Aaron and Norm and now with Denny. But Kamil was right and he knew it. He was lonely.

  "Maybe so." was all he said, but admitting it aloud was a something he had never done before. Something about Kamil struck a chord in him making him feel he could trust him with his innermost secrets and that Kamil wouldn't brush his feelings aside or judge him. They settled into a comfortable silence when their dinner was served and Kamil suggested they go for a few pints afterward.

  "There's a quiet pub not far from my flat," he told Bradley. "I pop in there several times a week when I don't have a student to tutor."

  Bradley was agreeable so after leaving the restaurant Kamil directed him to a small, cozy pub a few blocks from the building where he lived. The bartender and an old man sitting at the bar greeted Kamil by name when they entered but Kamil deliberately led Bradley to the table furthest back against the rear wall. There were only a half dozen other patrons in the place, all of them glued to a football match on the television over the bar so the two men were left in peace.

  Bradley was surprised at how comfortable he felt, how at ease he was in Kamil's company and their conversation continued to flow easily. Bradley learned that Kamil was as passionate about his music as he himself was about planes and flying, and the time passed so quickly it was after midnight before Bradley realized it. The next day was Sunday, Bradley had no flights scheduled and Kamil didn't have class, so when Kamil suggested they go to his flat so he could show Bradley his collection of music on vinyl, Bradley gladly agreed.

  They walked, as it was only a short distance, and as they ascended the stairs to Kamil's bedsit, Kamil spoke.

  "My place isn't what you're used to, I'm afraid. It's small and I've only been here since the start of the school term so it's pretty basic."

  Bradley was unsure what he meant about it not being what he was used to. "My flat is small too, I'm really only there at night so I don't need much."

  Kamil unlocked his door but glanced back at Bradley in mild surprise. "Really? You're the owner of your own company. I assumed you had a little house someplace."

  They entered and Kamil switched on the lights. Bradley chuckled. "No, no house for me. My....my wife wanted to buy a house but even then I thought it was unnecessary. It was one of the many things we didn't see eye to eye on."

  The room was small but clean and comfortable. There was a futon that apparently doubled as Kamil's bed, a small television, a comfortable looking chair and a small kitchen table with two chairs. A functional but basic kitchen took up one side of the room and Bradley could see a bathroom through a doorway to his left. Along one wall was an array of amplifiers and four electric guitars on stands, an acoustic was laid across the chair.

  "Sit down." Kamil gestured to the futon. "Want a beer?"

  Bradley accepted the cold Smitty's Kamil brought from the refrigerator and sipped it as Kamil knelt by several wooden packing crates filled with vinyl records. He was suddenly acutely aware that he was alone in a room with the man he had been fantasizing about for weeks and he had to consciously steer his thoughts away from how perfect Kamil's ass looked as he knelt there, how gracefully his back was bowed and how his hair fell in soft waves to form a curtain around his face. He knew he couldn't allow himself to wonder if the hair felt as soft as it looked, or what it smelled like, or imagine how firm that ass would feel beneath his hands. He couldn't risk destroying the rapport the two of them had built that night, so he was grateful when Kamil came over with several rather rare records to show him and ask which he would like to listen to.

  The two of them sat listening to records until nearly two A.M. and Bradley convinced Kamil to play something for him on the acoustic. Though he knew little about it, Bradley could easily see Kamil was good, very good. Reluctantly, though, he finally stood to take his leave. Kamil walked with him to the door.

  "Can we get together again,?" Bradley asked. "Next time, let me treat you to dinner or we can do something else if you like."

  Kamil smiled. "Dinner would be good. You have my number, just give me a call."

  "So," Bradley couldn't resist asking, "dating a man isn't so terrible, is it?"

  Kamil had to laugh. "No, I had fun."

  Bradley hesitated, then decided to go for it. "If you were on a date with a girl, what would you usually do at the end of the night?"

  "Umm...," Kamil knew what he was getting at and Bradley knew it.

  "Would you mind?"

  Kamil didn't answer. He looked a little nervous but he didn't step back. Bradley stepped closer, leaned in, and touched his lips softly against Kamil's. For just a brief second he felt a slight return of pressure, then Bradley knew he had to leave while he still had the will to do so. "I'll call you tomorrow, we'll decide what to do next time, okay?"

  "Okay." Kamil 's voice was soft; he looked a bit dazed by his first kiss from someone of his own gender, and as he closed the door behind him Bradley saw him bring his fingers up to touch his lips hesitantly, almost as if in disbelief.

  Bradley phoned Kamil as promised the next day and the two decided to have dinner and catch a movie Wednesday night. On Monday morning Bradley drove to work in a brighter mood than he had been in for a long time, only to groan in dismay at seeing Harry Howell's Mercedes parked in front of the hangar. Damn it, what did that man want now? He hadn't said anything about another meeting so soon after their last one. Bradley parked and walked over to greet the man as he got out of his car.

  "We have to talk, Dutton," Harry said without preamble. Bradley got a sinking feeling. Was he going to pull his backing of the company? Bradley wasn't confident that he could find another investor in time to meet the expenses. Unlocking the door, Bradley led the way to his inner office, his apprehension growing with every step. Harry took his usual seat behind Bradley's desk, leaving Bradley to sit in the visitor's chair. Howell looked at Bradley for a long minute from beneath his thick brows, his face expressionless.

  "Well?" Bradley finally broke the silence. "What's so important that you're out here first thing in the morning? We don't have another meeting scheduled for over two weeks."

  "I own several nightclubs around town, as you know." Howell finally spoke. "I was checking on one last Friday night downtown."

  Bradley waited, having no idea where Howell was going with this.

  "Downtown, one block from Rod's Men's Club."

  Oh oh. Bradley suddenly had an inkling of what was coming next.

  "I saw you leaving Rod's, Bradley. Leaving in the company of another man. Now, I know it's none of my concern what you do on your own time, but I've put a great deal of time and money into building this up into a respectable company. I'm going to have to ask you to be a bit more.....discreet with your lifestyle."

  Bradley couldn't hold back his surge of anger. "Are you telling me not to go to Rod's club, Harry?" It was the first time he had called him 'Harry' to his face. "Because if you are..."

  Howell cut him off. "I can't tell you that, as much as I'd like to. But I've experienced this sort of thing before with other companies I've backed. Sooner or later, a client is going to use your....predilections as an excuse to drop us as their carrier. Once that starts, others will drop us as well. This company is finally making a profit. A small profit, but a profit. We can't afford to lose even one client. All I'm asking is that you keep your quirks more private."

  "My quirks!" Bradley had to laugh at the phrasing. "Are you really that homophobic, Harry?"Howell had the grace to flush and look away, "There's no need f
or you to label me, Dutton. I haven't labelled you and we both know I could."

  "Label me as what? A faggot? Is that what you're trying so hard not to say, Howell? How did you ever get so far in the entertainment industry with prejudices like that?!" Bradley was genuinely wondering about that last thing.

  Howell was starting to lose his calm demeanor. "I don't think I need to explain myself to you." He stood, walking briskly to the door. "I have a 9:00 appointment across town, but I came here especially to caution you. When you agreed to let me back this company you agreed to let me advise you on matters of public relations as well as finances, so I hope you will take my warnings to heart. We can't afford to lose clients, Bradley. I'll see you at our next meeting."

  Bradley was livid. He stood with his fists clenched tightly at his sides for five minutes after Howell left trying to reign in his temper. Howell didn't know how close he had come to experiencing Bradley's fist against his jaw. Aaron and Norm arrived to see Bradley standing there, his posture as tense as a coiled spring, and they exchanged a look. They had passed the familiar Mercedes in the drive as Howell left the airfield and easily put two and two together. Though they were rightly concerned about their jobs, knowing that without Harry Howell's funding the company would almost certainly close, they were equally concerned for their friend. They knew, too, that now was not the time to approach Bradley to ask what had happened. Denny arrived and gave the scene a curious look, but all they had to say was that Howell had paid a visit for him to comprehend the situation.

  A little over an hour later Denny needed to consult with Bradley and had no choice but to knock lightly on the inner office where Bradley had retreated. Hearing Bradley mutter 'come in', he hesitantly opened the door, peeking around the edge. Bradley sat at his desk but there was no work spread out in front of him as there usually was, he seemed to be sitting staring into space.

  "Bradley? I need your authorization on the order for these parts, do you have a second?"

  Bradley seemed to snap out of his daze. "Yeah, come on in."

  Denny sat in the chair, handing the orders to Bradley for his approval, then he decided to speak. "Um, so I hear Harry Howell was here this morning."

  Bradley nodded curtly as he signed the papers. "It was nothing to be concerned about, just him throwing his weight around as usual. It's not bad enough he tries to tell me how to run my business, now he thinks he can dictate my personal life as well."

  Denny Mitchell was an astute man. His genial manner belied a sharp mind, he saw a great deal and heard a great deal and he had already surmised the situation between Bradley and Howell. "I'm not too surprised. From what I've heard about Harry Howell, the fact that anyone has a personal life at all would be enough to get his interest."

  Bradley glanced up with mild curiosity and Denny decided to plunge ahead. "He hasn't got much of one himself, from what I understand. His wife left him a few years ago, leaving three little girls for him to raise on his own. It's part of what makes him such a bastard, I suppose."

  "Humph." Bradley snorted, but in truth, he hadn't known about that. He had only been concerned with how Howell could help the company financially; he knew very little about the man outside of that.

  "Yeah, she left him for another woman, from what I heard. It was in all the gossip columns at the time." Denny took the signed papers, told Bradley he would see him at lunchtime and left the office.

  So that was why Howell seemed so homophobic, Bradley realized. Still, that had nothing to do with him and it certainly didn't give Howell the right to try to tell him what to do on his own time. He had no intention of stopping his visits to Rod's and he certainly had no intention of not pursuing a relationship with Kamil. Kamil Merick made him happier than he had been in years. His mind had been constantly on the blonde dancer ever since they parted Saturday night and even their phone conversation on Sunday left Bradley feeling lighthearted and more alive. He didn't know what, if anything, would develop with Kamil but it was encouraging that Kamil had wanted to continue seeing him. If nothing else, the two of them had a genuine rapport with one another and Bradley knew he had found a good friend. He sincerely hoped it would become more than a friendship, but he knew he would never pressure Kamil into something he was uncomfortable with.

  Bradley picked Kamil up at his door Wednesday night, taking him to an Italian restaurant not far from his flat. He had been a little concerned that Kamil would be having second thoughts about dating a man but he seemed relaxed and at ease over the meal. The more they talked together the more Bradley liked and respected Kamil, there was far more to him than his physical attractiveness. He had a sense of lighthearted fun about him that resonated with Bradley and he found himself responding in kind. They shared a similar sense of humor, a similar outlook on current events, even a shared interest in other world cultures.

  "The reason I wanted to be a pilot in the first place was because I thought it would give me an opportunity to travel the world," Bradley confessed to Kamil over dessert.

  "Has it?"

  Bradley had to laugh. "No, not really. I've flown to France a few times but almost all of our business is within the U.K. When I was in school, though, I dreamed of being a commercial pilot, leading a glamorous life."

  "So why haven't you pursued becoming a commercial pilot?" Kamil was curious.

  "It isn't as easy as I thought. One needs a great deal of experience and I had to make a living."

  "Are you happy running your own company?" Kamil asked quietly.

  Bradley paused, knowing that somehow Kamil had picked up on some of the disillusionment Bradley felt. "I would be, yes, but I have to have backers to finance it and that limits what I can do." He didn't want to talk about that, he wanted to forget about business when he was with Kamil. "How about you? You wanted to be a musician, do you think you will be happy if you become a teacher?"

  Kamil gave a half shrug. "Like you said, one has to make a living. I'll never give up music. I can't, it's a part of me, but it's unrealistic to think I can make a career out of it."

  "Keep trying, Kamil. Do what's in your heart."

  Kamil gave Bradley a long, steady look. "I am."

  They chose a lighthearted comedy movie at a theater not far from where they had eaten and, as it was a warm spring evening, they walked.

  "Do you ever go for walks for enjoyment, Bradley?" Kamil wondered.

  Bradley shrugged. "Not really. I guess I never feel like I have time."